Most of us remember the Sex and the City scene where Berger breaks up with Carrie on a Post-it note. It’s uncomfortable to watch because it hits a nerve. Avoidance dressed up as efficiency.
Leadership has its own version of the Post-it breakup.
I didn’t recognize it at first because I thought avoiding hard conversations made me a better leader. More empathetic. Less reactive. I told myself I was giving people space or choosing the right moment. What I was really doing was postponing discomfort—mine.
As leaders, we’re often praised for being calm, measured, and thoughtful. But when a conversation gets hard—missed expectations, underperformance, tension—we can slip into being indirect. We wait. We soften. We hope things will work themselves out.
They rarely do.
I’ve learned this the hard way. Avoidance doesn’t preserve trust. It quietly erodes it. When people don’t know where they stand, they fill in the blanks themselves—and usually not in our favor.
The leadership version of the Post-it breakup isn’t dramatic. It’s subtle. It’s unclear feedback. It’s silence where guidance should be. It’s “checking in” without ever saying what needs to be said.
And while it may feel easier in the moment, it leaves teams confused, frustrated, and disconnected.
Leadership isn’t about being perfect communicators. It’s about being willing to sit in discomfort long enough to create clarity.
In the next post, I’ll share what’s actually helped me grow as a leader when it comes to tough conversations—without scripts, performance theater, or pretending it’s easy.
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